I attended a dance recital tonight at my old high school. Despite a few cute numbers, most of the program consisted of indecent choreography performed by teenagers wearing miniskirts and halter tops. One piece was an "intimate" duet of the jungle fever persuasion -- proving that either the dance teacher doesn't value job security, or else the school has changed dramatically since my days as a student.

But here's the kicker. Amidst the Combat Zone-meets-MTV ambience, the teacher chose to fill intermission by leading the audience in a sing-a-long to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas". And instead of leading each verse with the lyric, "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me," she introduced this clever replacement: "For the holiday season, my true love gave to me..."

So let's review. A dozen 14-year-old girls dressed like streetwalkers, spreading and prostrating themselves to cheap music? No problem. Pairing a white girl with a black boy -- dressing her in a tutu and him in baggy denim, just in case anyone missed your subtle motif -- for a slow, sexual grind? Apparently that's appropriate for a holiday-themed high school recital, too. But God forbid the audience endure a relatively neutral Christmas carol. Nope, we've got to cut the word "Christmas" and revise. We wouldn't want anyone to feel offended.